Loner in Love

Lifestyle // Loner in LoveLifestyle // Loner in LoveLifestyle // Loner in Love

I am writing this post on a long and lonesome journey to Antwerp and is well over due. I have been sitting on this post for quite some time and not quite sure why. I think one of the reasons why this post has taken so long publish is because I have not been able to think of a title for the life of me. So I thought what better way than to call this after one one my favourite Busted songs because, well, thats just how this northern girl rolls.

Let’s rewind back to little old me smashing out a 9 hour journey to Belgium at the end of last year. I have a some sort of fancy beef sandwich sat staring at me that I bought from M&S that I know will most likely not even grace my lips but I sort of feel like I have a travel pal with me. As long as I have foodie treats with me I know I will never be loner in love, when food is my one true love, I will never be alone, unless I eat you. This sandwich is some sort of loyal companion that just sits by my side enjoying the journey and I will feel ever so emotional when I have to throw it away. How sad!

Who am I kidding! I blooming love travelling on my own. I can concentrate, I can make decisions on my own, I can do what the devil I want. I am a bit of a loner you see which is a reason how this post came about. I was reading an article this very morning, which I am trying to find frantically scrolling with someone looking over my shoulder and probably wondering why I am going through a back catalogue of  headlines such as ‘Why don’t men have multiple orgasms’ and ‘Finding love with Herpes, thanks to STI-Positive online dating’ to find it . I sure do know how to make a scene with a little light reading.

Well, I found the bleeding article I was looking for which you can find here, it’s called ‘Why you should actually look forward to being alone forever’. I am also not too sure why it hooked me in to read to be real honest. I guess I can relate in ways. Not in a ‘Will I be a hermit forever?’ way, oh no. I like to meet people, I like to make friends, I like to date and I also don’t believe that I will be alone forever but would it be such a bad thing after all? A few things drew my attention with this piece and I could relate so much. Like someone making me a really, really, good cup of tea, so I thought I would share.

Although this seems like I am analysing a body of text like back doing G.C.S.E English Language. I am making this post and my debate (let’s call it that), relevant to myself and what I think. If you find this boring or you are really uninterested in what I have to say about myself and my thoughts you might want to click away now because, this girl go some tingggggg to say!!

Let me give you little background on this article. It ain’t no pro ‘lets all be single life is way better’ way. No, no, no, it throws up some interesting statistics and some research that I hadn’t even thought about in-between baking cakes and swiping on Bumble, so there you have it. Here we go guys…

My girl Bella DePaulo, Dr Bella to you, suggests in her latest work that embracing solitude can leave us open to more psychological growth and development than married people, who are more likely to become insular and withdrawn than their single counterparts. Society is a shitter, and I have witnessed this in various aspects of life this past year, Bella starts off with saying.

‘The idea that everyone wants to get married seems to be an organising concept of society. If people get married they think they’ll be happier, healthier and live longer.’

Before we get too deep this is not my opinion or her’s. I am just setting a bass line for her opening argument. So lay off our Bella for now. I can relate to some aspects of this. One of the reasons why I was going to be wed was that it was the right/next thing to do. But in the end it was for the wrong reasons. It was the wrong reasons for me, the wrong reasons for us. Every single person/couple is different. It’s just refreshing to have someone shine a light on this and from a different angle.

Another point Bell’s talks about it that that..

‘We are afraid of being single because the single life can be stereotyped and stigmatised in society; people think there is something wrong with you.’

I get this too. It does affect my mind in a way of WTF because I can be a little on the odd side, so yeah, there probably is ‘something wrong with me’ somewhere. I particularly like how the article goes into the benefits of being single especially those who like the single life and can really embrace their time alone. The research shows that it can be really good for creativity, restoration, personal growth, spirituality and for relaxations. I love spending time on my own. It helps organise my whirlwind of a mind and I can really focus. So when I just want to stay in on my own, I am not staying in feeling sorry for myself and crying into my pillow, I am in fact relaxing and focusing on my personal growth.

Bella says this so well too…

‘Recognise the good things about spending time alone! If you aren’t familiar with it, embrace it and see if you can find positivity in solitude, and start viewing time alone as an opportunity rather than being a threat.’

The opportunity of cracking on with some things that have been festering away and actually finishing it is so rewarding to me. I am not going to ruin the rest of this article for you but she answers questions such as ‘Why are we so afraid of being lonely?’,’Why being single seems to invite pity?’ and ”What are the benefits of solitude?’ There are a few quotes that I am not too interested in and don’t really agree with, don’t paint me with the same brush Brenda. Questions are answered such as ‘What characteristics do you come across in people who embrace the single life?’, ‘What people can do to stop the fears of loneliness obscuring the benefits of solitude?’ and ‘What is the next step for such research?’

The bit about people embracing their time alone and enjoying it, that Brenda is me, so tarnish me with that brush all you flaming well want hun! Some of the quotes I took from this that made me feel like I was going to own today and I am. I have  definitely been a slave to some of the examples in the article too and its nice to be out the other end so I don’t have to answer questions such as ‘When are you getting married? Do you think you will have children soon?’ I do not miss that, one, little, bit. I would rather be alone forever than have to answer these questions again anytime soon.

I am by no means relationship shaming either because I was there. I am just extremely interested in learning and thats it really. There is no right, there is no wrong but all I know is that I am having a bloody good time being alone and cracking on, well, for now.

If you like these sort of posts because I know I blooming do because, hello, nosy, you can take a peek at my more truthful posts, here, here and here.

Peace out!

Love Carli x

Photos by Ross Deighton


1 Comment

  1. Pete
    February 13, 2018 / 12:11 pm

    I can totally relate to this. I have always been a loner myself and never once seen it as a bad thing. I was in a relationship for 5 years and the woman I was with had always had it in her head she would be married with children by 25 years old. And although we could have spent time/money on more important things at the time, this always seemed to be her driving force and one of the reasons we parted ways.
    I do date and enjoy time with friends but working shifts whilst everyone else seems to work 9-5 means I often have days to myself. Meaning I go out and do a lot by myself such as the cinema, walking, photography. People think the cinema one is weird but I quite enjoy the quiet loneliness when getting engrossed in a good movie.
    I’m now 31 and have been single 2 years and feel no rush getting into a relationship, getting married, and living ‘happily ever after’.

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